The higher my expectations, the lower my serenity.

The higher my expectations, the lower my serenity. The first time I heard this from my spiritual mentor over 25 years ago, I had a difficult time wrapping my mind around it. It was during a time I wanted to control things that seemed uncontrollable; like people, places and things. Life was in turmoil and I simply wanted some semblance of order.

It seemed the more I tried to control and the more I expected people to comply to my way of doing things, the more out of control things became.

The challenge for me was understanding the difference between expectancy and expectations.

According to Webster's dictionary, expectancy is something that is based on statistical probability. I contend it is also having the ability to be excited about possibility.

On the other hand, expectations are often based on wanting things to be a certain way - our way. Things that we may not have any control over such as how another person feels or thinks.

This is very evident in relationships where one person expects from another what they may not be capable of giving. The more they push and place expectations on the other person, the more unsettled they are likely to become.

Now that's not to say that we shouldn't have an expectancy that when we enter into an agreement with someone, whether it be our spouse, partner or a vendor, that they should not fulfill their end of an agreement. However, there are times agreements are broken. Upon careful examination we may find there was evidence that the other person could not, or would not, be able to fulfill an agreement.

What I am actually referring to here is the expectations that are near impossible for others to live up to. To expect a child, spouse, friend, partner, or colleague to think what we think, like what we like, dislike what we dislike, or believe as we believe is unrealistic. We may fool ourselves into thinking we have that kind of power, but truth be told....we don't.

A great example is when one might be mentoring another. The mentor can offer guidance, make recommendations and offer ideas. Whether or not the mentee takes action on any of the recommendations is entirely up to them. To expect them to immediately change their ways, even if they say that is what they want, is placing very high expectations on them. And the higher our expectations the lower our serenity.

The difficulty can arise when we think someone would be better off doing something different than what they are doing. But truly, would they? Even when for outward appearances their life might seem to be in shambles and they are making what we view as very, very poor choices, do we really know what God's plan for them is? We may think we do, but we are only viewing the situation from our perspective of things, not what is truly in their highest good.

I simply need to look at my own journey. Although there were times when I made extremely poor choices, it was those choices and the consequences of those choices that led me to the place I am today. No matter how much someone else might try to force me to another way of believing or doing things, I needed to go through what I went through.

What I also realize is that it was the people who allowed me to have the experiences I needed to have and yet, offered insights into a better way of viewing things and doing things that my life began to shift. Maybe it was something they said, or a book they gave me, or a saying they offered me that began the shift.

They didn't force their beliefs on me, they simply offered a different perspective. As you think about the people you have high expectations of, think about how your expectations may be lowering your serenity. Lowering it to such a degree that you are actually counterproductive rather than productive.

Rather than expect others to immediately change because you think they should, what if you were to accept things the way they are, pray that they be guided to their highest good, prayer that you be an instrument of good in their life and that you too, be guided to do the most loving level possible. Allow the answers to come rather than forcing the answers to come.

Why not take the next 24 hours to try this thought on for size.....The higher my expectations, the lower my serenity. You may be surprised at how things will shift when you take on this belief for even a short period of time. 

It may be something as simple as when you are waiting at the gas station and their is a long line. You might have expectations that there should not be a line, but there is. This is the way it is. What are you going to do with that expectation? Get frustrated or accept it. When you reach a point of acceptance, suddenly things begin to shift and your serenity level will raise.

It is in a space of serenity we are actually more productive and responsive. It is in a place of frustration we tend to be reactive and less productive and resourceful.

Which would you rather have, frustration or serenity? The choice is yours.

Blessings

Kathleen Gage

Comments

[Astrid Lee, Distant Healing, Reiki Master]

Hi Kathleen

I haven't seen your blog before, but I love your article.

So, I am choosing to include it in the Carnival of Healing today, right at the top, at http://www.TherapeuticReiki.com/blog

Congrads!

[Kathleen Gage]

Thank you so much Astrid. What a wonderful blog you have. I am honored to be included in your Carnival of Healing.

[Greatest Revenge]

If the love of money is the root of all evil, then certainly expectation is the root of all suffering. Thank you for this post.

[Greatest Revenge]

If the love of money is the root of all evil, then certainly expectation is the root of all suffering. Thank you for this post.