Why's everyone always picking on me?

I hold the belief that one's outward experiences will be reflected as a result of inner thoughts and beliefs.  I didn't always know this to be true which was very evident in how much of a victim mentality I had.

In essence, when someone is not willing to look at their part in a situation, the situation will continue to manifest over and over. The circumstances may change, the people may change, the location may change, but the essence remains the same. In order for something to change outwardly, we must change inwardly.

Yesterday I went to a restaurant I had been to a few months ago. It is in a small tourist town about 40 miles from where I live. My first experience at this unique restaurant, housed in a historical building, was was incredible. The food was beyond delicious, the ambiance most enjoyable and the service incredible.

Basing my decision to travel 40 miles to the restaurant on my first experience I anticipated another wonderful experience.

The anticipation was high
With great excitement myself and the other three women really looked forward to the great food and service. The food was as we expected it, but the service was less than satisfactory.

It appeared as if we were somewhat of an annoyance to our server, a young woman who didn't engage in any pleasantries with any of us and seemed rather irritated when we requested a specific table. Thinking perhaps I was imagining this (after all, my last experience in this establishment was incredible), I chose to ignore my initial thoughts about the server.

As the experience unfolded it became apparent I wasn't imagining the situation. At one point I asked the young woman how long she had worked at the restaurant. "Only a couple months," was her complete answer.

"Do you enjoy working here?" I prodded.

"It's a job," she responded flatly.

"Even when you get to meet fun people like us?" I joked, thinking this would bring a smile to her face.

"I just don't like it. I would rather be working in health-care. But I had a job in a doctor's office and the people there were awful," she continued on

completely oblivious to the fact we were guests in the restaurant, paying good money for an enjoyable experience.

"It seems this would be a great place to work," I pressed on.

"The place is okay, but the people I work with are awful."

I was stunned at her flat statements.

Situations will repeat themselves unless...
She said the reason she left her last job was because the people were awful there too. I decided there was no point in continuing the discussion with her because she seemed to believe every work situation she had been in had awful people. It was apparent that no matter where she had worked she had been miserable because of "them".

What she seemed completely ignorant of is that until her attitude changes she will continue to experience similar experiences because of the beliefs, thoughts and filters she has. It is likely she feels like a victim in virtually any situation she is in. I don't know this for sure, but I would guess this to be the case.

What space do you live in?
Unfortunately, lots of people live in this space. No matter what goes on around them if they are miserable it is because of everyone but themselves.

I'm not saying there are not situations in which things really are bad, but often a person's beliefs will turn a good situation bad because that is the way they are viewing the world.

Back to our restaurant experience. The interesting thing is that the rest of the staff at the restaurant welcomed myself and the other three women I was with. The owner made a point to thank us for coming in. They all seemed to be enjoying themselves. So why was it that this one woman had a completely different experience?

I contend it is because she chose to. How do I know. Because I used to live in the same space. No matter how good a situation was, I could always find something wrong and I could easily blame others for my misery.

It wasn't until I discovered that my thoughts, beliefs and attitudes have so much to do with my interpretation of an experience. Again, I'm not saying there aren't harsh realities people experience. What I am saying is sometimes the reality is harsh based on interpretation.

Take for example being stuck in traffic. One person can moan and groan saying, "Why does this always happen to me? Look at all these people taking up the road. I hate this!"

While another person can say, "Hmmm, might be a while until I reach my destination. I may as well enjoy the experience. I can listen to good music or even an inspirational CD that I keep in my car."

It this far fetched. No, I don't believe it is. I absolutely believe we choose to be victims or not. It's all based on perception, attitude, and thoughts.

Will I go back to the restaurant again? I don't know. What I do know is I am not as eager to do so because in my world I have choice and my choice is to minimize the amount of time I am around negative people. Simple as that.

When one of the women in our group said, "If it's true that our thoughts determine our experiences why did we have this experience?"

Great question. One, I had a great time is spite of our server's attitude. Two, the experience gave me great fodder for what you just read.

What is your interpretation of your experiences?

Comments

[Reut Schwartz-Hebron]

What a wonderful post!

It makes you think what power (destructive as well as rebuilding) our self inflicted reality has on us.

We put up all of these defenses to sustain our perception so we won't have to bother with changing anything and we end up being caged in our own world.

Why do we fear the truth so much? I sometimes think of it like the fear of going to the dentist-- for a brief moment of pain we'll get long term healthy teeth--but we would love to avoid it.

Taking in the truth, and combining it with a positive vision of the future is such a powerful model.

Thank you for this inspirational story.

Reut

P.S. I started a book by Maxwell Maltz (psycho-cybernetics) yesterday talking about just this.

[Kathleen Gage]

Thank you for your comments Reut. It's amazing how much our outward experiences do mirror our thoughts.

Kathleen Gage