Lack of forgiveness is poison to our soul

He did me wrong! She hurt my feelings! I can never forgive my ex-neighbor for being such a poor neighbor!

How often do we have these types of thoughts floating around in our head or equally as poisonous, we will say these things to anyone who will listen?

When we hold on to those things we didn't like or we felt wronged by, we are carrying resentment and lack of forgiveness. Resentments and lack of forgiveness will do us more harm than the person we are angry with. They are like the sting of a scorion.

It is a poison
Not forgiving someone is poison to our spirit. Holding on to a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the person we are upset with to die. It's just not going to happen.

What happens is the resentment eats away at us. Little by little we are consumed by our anger and resentment. Sometimes it is not little by little, but an all consuming event.

Forgiveness can often be the most difficult thing for someone to do. It takes courage, love and acceptance to forgive.

Levels of pain
Are there some things that are more difficult to forgive than others? Of course there are. Are there some actions another can take that are almost unforgivable. Yes, there are.

Forgiveness should not be confused with forgetting or thinking we suddenly have to be best friends with the person that may have caused us pain, suffering and distress.

Forgiveness is more an act of letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment.

Lack of forgiveness will keep you in a self-created prison. On the other hand, forgiveness sets you free. Simple as that.

Prayer is a powerful forgiveness tool
Many years ago one of my spiritual advisors recommended I actually pray for 7 days for anyone I held a resentment against and felt unable to forgive. At that time in my spiritual journey I could not fathom forgiving some people. I protected my resentments like a mother cat protects her litter. Just when the resentment was getting out of sight, I would reel in back in and nurse my anger so it could grow big and strong.

Gloria pointed out that praying for another would not necessarily change the other person. Rather, it would shift my perspective and feelings about the situation. It would literally set me free.

Gloria's advise was offered to me nearly 23 years ago. Back then forgiving another took a lot of work, effort and willingness on my part. I always found a reason to justify my feelings.

Today, it is through the willingness and desire to live in the space of love and joy I do all I can to forgive as quickly as possible. Am I perfect at this? Absolutely not!

However, by having the willingness and doing the footwork (such as praying for another) I am able to forgive much quicker than ever before. I choose to live in the space of forgiveness due to the miracles I know are created and the quality of life it affords me.

Again, forgiveness is not about forgetting or condoning horrendous behaviors of another. It is however, one of the most essential tools for physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

When we forgive we are literally set free from the bondage of self.

Kathleen Gage

Comments

[~ Nona]

I was once hurt very deeply by a friend. I told my aunt all about it, hoping for some good get-even advice.

My aunt listened carefully, thoughtfully to my long tale of hurt and woe. "Do you know what I do immediately when someone has hurt me?" I leaned forward with keen interest. "What?" "I begin immediately to pray for the person," she said.

I was stunned.

Over the years there are many people for whom I have prayed. There are some people whom I haven't totally forgiven, but I know what that means: I haven't prayed often enough or hard enough for them.

It's time for me to get back on my knees. Forgiveness really IS hard -- and you're right: it's so freeing.

Thank you for this wonderful reminder.

[Kathleen Gage]

Sometimes those things that are the most difficult are the most liberating.

Kathleen

[Andy]

One question. What we do in our prayer, what we gonna to say in our prayer so we can forgive someone ?

[Kathleen Gage]

Andy, that is a great question. I can only share what works for me and what I have learned from my spiritual mentors.

There are times it can be more difficult than others to forgive. At those times I pray for the willingness to be willing to forgive. By having the willingness I move closer to the forgiveness.

What I know to be true is the lack of forgiveness does more harm to my spirit and heart then the person I may be unwilling (or unable immediately) to forgive. If I truly want to live a life of happiness and serenity, then I make the choices that will move me closer to that. And forgiveness is one of those choices.

Kathleen Gage