Life as usual; maybe not for all

Everywhere you turn change is happening; some big, some small. There is evident transition visible to the most everyone; changing of the seasons; the fluctuation of the economy; the changing of an administration.

Other change is evident only to a core group of people. Change that becomes the center of their world.

There is events we celebrate such as the birth of a child, first college graduate in a family, job promotion, buying a home; the list goes on. On the flip side are the experiences we know happen and yet we often put into the category of “that happens to others, but not us.”

Huge company layoffs, loss of a single job in a small company, a home burning to the ground, illness and death.

It's all so personal
Until we personally face life altering experiences (that only our immediate family and circle of friends are aware of) it is likely we cannot fully comprehend what these experiences entail.

We can fool ourselves into thinking we will handle every little thing with calm, acceptance, compassion and reason. Yet, it’s likely we are not fully prepared for the emotions that crop up such as pain, frustration, anger and fear.

Will we regret?
Truth be told, not everyone handles tough situations in a way they would want to. Many things are said and done during tough times that are often regretted as soon as they occur.

This can happen for a number of reasons; we may feel like our involvement in the experience is more important than the others going through the very same thing. Then there is fear; fear of loss; of uncertainty; of loss of control.

Our greatest gift
When tough life situations occur the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and others is to come from a space of love. To realize each person is internalizing what is happening and everyone deserves respect for their feelings and pain.

For some, this may be easier said than done. Yet, it is in the awareness that we may not have a full handle on how we will respond that we can be more responsive.

There are situations that penetrate the core of our being with deep pain. Yet, it is in the pain there is no mistaking how deeply we love.

We are called to BE
It is also in these situations we can ask ourselves, “What am I being called to be?”
We are not always to do, but rather to be; be a person of love, compassion, forgiveness and kindness.

Two very simple questions that can move us into a loving space are, “How do I want to remember this situation? How do I want to be remembered in this situation?”

During even the toughest situations taking time for reflection can often take one from the space of fear to the space of love. This is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and others no matter what life puts in our path.

Comments

[Chantal Beaupre]

Hello Kathleen,

Trust that I will make sure to keep these two simple - yet, so powerful! - questions at view!

Namaste,
Chantal

[Daria Boissonnas]

Fear is a lack of love, so that's perfect advice, and it helps you think more clearly, too!

The regret issue jumped out at me. I understand now that I always do things in the best way I can at all times, otherwise I would have done them differently. (Can't argue with reality.)

But when I feel guilt or regret, it's because I've broken one of my own internal rules, so I behaved in a way that was all I could do at the time, but which went against a way I would prefer to behave. Knowing the guilt is a choice I've made in my attitude towards myself, it's easier to forgive myself for my error, learn from it and enable myself to follow my rules better in the future, and lose all regrets and guilt. (As a healer, I've seen old resentments, regrets, and guilt fester into the physical body, not pretty. Best to find a way to let go of them ASAP!!)

[Beth Flarida]

Hi Kathleen,
I have been going through a personal crisis for about a year now and I know exactly what you mean. The reactions, then immediate regret. The hows, whys and whens. It is definitely life altering and a growing experience.

Thanks for a new perspective!
I needed it!
Beth Flarida
http://www.getbeth.com

[Corrine Petteys]

There was a wonderful author whose name is absent from my mind at this moment who said in essence; take the pieces life gives you and make them work. After all, that is what makes a life resonate with strength, wonder, variety and brilliance.

My spiritual journey has culminated in a memoir I am writing entitled, 'Mermaids, Lovers and Pirates'.

In one year spirit rearranged my life profoundly. I'm an only child. From 9/20/1988 - 8/29/1989 my apartment burned while I was at a spiritual class of Vernon Howard. Then my mother died, my cat died, the Loma Prieta earthquake happened in San Francisco where I was living, and my father's ten year decline into death from alzheimers disease began after my mother died. I went to Bali 6 months after my apartment fire, and shelved my book an agent in NY was interested in. I did many creative things while traveling in Indonesia and then Central America including building a house in Northern Belize. And I started doing stand up comedy at age 46, 7 years into my fathers alzheimers disease and made my journey with his illness funny. When he died in 1999, two years later I auditioned for and was accepted at Mike Nichols acting school in NY, New Actors Workshop, and graduated in 2004. I'm now working on my memoir, pursuing my acting and comedy career in Los Angeles and I'm working on a pilot for a one hour TV series I've created that I want to get on a network and act in my own series. So adversity has a reason, and other people in other countries and spirit and many Americans helped me through the dark side of the moon and the light was always there quietly guiding me. Today I live in a small bachelor apartment and I'm working toward leaving the US, hopefully only to return for acting and comedy work. It's been an amazing journey and one that has contributed to many other peoples lives and my own creative life.

My heroes journey saved my life. So I took the broken pieces of my life and made a whole new life.

I wish the same turning surviving into thriving for all who are trying to fit the pieces into some kind of sanity.

Corrine Petteys
Los Angeles