What story are you telling yourself and is it working for you?

If things aren't the way you want them to be it may not so much be the circumstances as much as your attitude about the situation that matters.

How often have you said, "If things would just change I would be happy." It could be the change of the job, the home, the city, the relationship, the dog, the whatever. The fact is, without an internal change it's very likely externals won't change. And even if they do change it would be difficult to notice due to a focus on what is wrong.

This blog post was prompted by a conversation in a forum I belong to. Someone posted about how unhappy they are, unfocused, how they can't stick with things for very long, didn't like their business, and on and on.

You get the idea. This person is just not happy.

Nothing would work

Several people posted recommendations; everything from "I understand. I have been there, done that," to "maybe you are in a mild depression."

Not one answer was acceptable to this person. For each suggestion someone took the time to post this person had a reason why it just wouldn't work.

I decided to post my thoughts. I also posted the video below. 

There is a choice
In essence, my answer boiled down to what we do is a matter of choice. Choice in what we focus on. Choice in who we hang out with. Choice in what we do with our time. Choice.

I speak from a place of having been homeless at one point in my life. A time when I just couldn't figure out why things just wouldn't work for me. One reason things didn't work was I kept doing the same thing over and over, which got me nowhere but down.

Our choices are based on one of two things; pain or pleasure. We either choose to move away from pain or closer to pleasure. The motivation is a very personal thing to each person.

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired
One of my greatest changes came when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Also, when someone had the guts to tell me I needed to change my attitude, activities, thoughts and beliefs.

So much easier said than done - back then. Today it is about what quality of life do I want? What is the legacy I wish to leave behind? How do I want to feel about what I am doing on a daily basis?

Is it always easy? Not at all. There are times it is downright difficult. Yet, the rewards are plentiful.

One thing that can help is to have an accountability buddy. However, each has to be totally committed to the process of accountability.

Another thing is to not try and take major leaps in change before you take small steps. Often we set ourselves up for failure by doing way too much too soon.

With each small commitment and a positive step towards the commitment leads to another. However, you have to want it more than you don't want it.

What do you say to yourself?
Self talk is very important to one's success. If we keep telling ourselves we can't do something we will do whatever it takes to prove ourselves right. If, on the other hand, we say we can do something and we focus on our vision and are willing to take the steps needed to achieve an outcome, we can do just about anything. Want to see what is possible when one believes it is....

Check this out...





I don't know too many people who would not change their attitude after watching the young man in the video.

A final thought, read, watch and listen to those things that put you in a resourceful state of mind. This in itself can be a discipline. If you spend your time watching television shows that do nothing but bring you down, have conversations that are counterproductive to a productive life, or anything that is not giving you a better focus, your choice needs to be  to change how you utilize your time... or not!

The response from the person who just couldn't seem to be happy was that she just couldn't stay focused and the "if they can do it you can do it" stories just don't work for her.

Although part of me was amazed at how stuck on the story this person is I was actually not surprised. You see, there are times we don't want a solution because we have become comfortable with the problem.

Then again, there are times it goes beyond self talk and inspirational stories of others who are seeing their life as a blessing rather than a curse.

For this person there may be no answer because they continue to affirm there is no answer over and over. It is the story they have told so many times, this is all they know.

Most people have had a story they eventually had to let go of if they truly wanted to be happy. Sometimes it takes the help of a mentor, minister, counselor or friend to guide us into this change.

Will the story change?
If a story no longer serves us, isn't it time to let it go? With a different story we at least have a chance at a happier life. Without the change things can become more and more hopeless until it can be almost impossible to let the familiar go.
What is the story you hold on to? Does it serve you or hinder you? What you do with the story is up to you.

Comments

[Carolyn]

Kathleen, thanks so much for this in depth and informative post. I too have seem this kind of powerlessness in far too many stories. It is a matter of choice. And the choice to remain powerless is also a choice.