Like most people, I have had a love-hate relationship with
my in-laws. To be fair, they’re a little
bit ambivalent towards me as well.
Married young…
My husband and I were married young, at 20 years old to be exact. We met at the age of 19 in an organic chemistry recitation. His mom thought that I was a passing phase for her son. She told him we were too young. She cussed my mom out over the phone the night my future husband told her we were getting married and, no, I wasn’t pregnant. Now, six years and one grandchild later, she’s realized that I’m probably not going anywhere anytime soon.
A strategy of
avoidance.
At the outset of our relationship, I determined that I would have as little to do with my mother-in-law as possible. I would attend family functions. I would be cordial, but I wouldn’t make it a point to engage her. This worked out fine until my husband’s father was diagnosed with cancer.
Thrown into the mix.
When my father-in-law was nearing the end of his life, my husband and I temporarily moved into his parents’ house to help care for him while his mother worked. Although the circumstances could certainly have been better, the four of us were able to find what common ground. My mother-in-law and I both enjoy cooking. She started to make it a point to ask me to help her, and would often ask about my family’s culinary traditions.
Making peace.
Sometimes making peace hinges upon the simple things: shared ideas, passions, or simply a desire to work together through difficult times. By coming into what could have been a difficult living arrangement with an open mind, I was able to find common ground with my in-laws. By allowing us to share a common interest, my mother-in-law made our reconciliation possible. After my husband’s father passed away, my mother-in-law confided in me that she wouldn’t have been able to manage without my husband and I being there during his last days. If I hadn’t been open to the idea of moving in with them, we never could have helped or reconciled.
Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at onlinedegrees.org, researching areas of online school programs. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.
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